Saturday, June 29, 2013

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

It seems like an eternity that you've been gone....but I know for you it probably just seems like a few moments. I have so many things I wish I could tell you. So many things I wish you could see.

I do believe you would be happy with the man I married. I wish you could have known him. He takes good care of me and loves me as a Godly man should love his wife. You have three precious grandsons who inherited some of your genetic features courtesy of the Wilsons. Stubbornness seems to move closer to perfection with each generation. Your great grandchildren should be very interesting.

There are a few things I think about quite often.
What is He like? What was it like to see Jesus face to face?
Are you proud of me? I know. You have better stuff to think about now but, if you were still here, would you be proud of me? How am I measuring up to what you dreamed for me?
Did you know how badly I missed you? When I graduated from college? Oh, how I wanted to take a picture with you.
When I got married, I wanted you there to straighten my veil. I wanted you there so that I could fuss at you for not doing things my every other bride.
I want you here to see my sweet boys. To hug them, feed them candy, and remind me that it all goes by too quickly.
I want your sister to be able to go shopping with you and brag on her grandkids, because they're pretty incredible.
I wish you could see your granddaughter. She's as pretty as her mom, and acts just like her, too.
I want you to call you when I get scared about an upcoming scan or bloodwork. Lets face it, you were a pro at handling those things.
All this is selfish. I know that it's for the best. I have amazing women in my life that support me every step of the way.

I wish you could write in the sky and let me know what you think.

More than 20 years have gone by. Pain doesn't go away, but I have managed to deal. Patsy and Junior take care of Grandmother better than anyone could. Kelly and Emily keep her entertained so she's not too lonely. Fact is, we are all ok. But my heart has a hole that will never be filled. One more moment to talk with you wouldn't be enough. There's too much I want you to know. I want to see you, but also want to stay here, raise my boys, and grow old with this man God gave me. Until that day, I love you, and always will.

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