Alright. If I'm learning nothing else from my current journey in life -- the one thing I am learning is to never say never. For instance, "I'll never wear a fanny pack. That's just not going to happen." Hmmmm. I know that God must be laughing. He has a sense of humor, otherwise, this whole fanny pack thing would be downright cruel. I have not decided on my own that a fanny pack is my choice to make a fashion statement. The "pack" as I will now refer to it, mainly because I despise the sound of the other name I've been using for it, will carry a pump that distributes part of my chemo treatments. I mean, my goodness, was nothing better looking that the medical field could come up with??? There are a lot of smart people out there, don't tell me there is not a stitch of fashion sense among it. You just never know what life is going to throw at you next. I had written several days ago that I was facing several unknowns. The truth of it all is that we are all facing countless unknowns in our life. We think that we know. We think we have it planned. We think we have it all figured out. At least, I thought I did. God has a way of just showing up and placing a "road closed" sign in front of us. This forces us to take another path. It may not be the path we had planned for, maybe it was a consideration -- but not the one we wanted. Sometimes, that path was not even an option in our feeble human minds.
As I was driving to one of my appointments (6 days after my diagnosis, 2 days before tragedy struck my WHS kids) I was listening to a sermon on the Lord's prayer. My pastor has been preaching on this, so this was kind of an enrichment lesson I guess one could say. The topic was the line in the prayer, "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done." Ever really thought about that? You've probably prayed it before. I know I have. I also know that I'm quite guilty of praying this without really meaning it. If I truly desire for God's will to come alive in my life, I must be willing to give him complete access and rule over every area of my heart. The following example was given. Imagine inviting a guest to your home. You sincerely tell them to make themselves at home. What is yours is theirs. You want your guest to feel total freedom in your home. The next morning, you leave for work. Before doing so, you lock the fridge, lock the bathroom, lock the family room (with access to the television) and so on. You get the picture. It was like God slapped me in the face. This pastor was talking to me. To allow God to be glorified, I had to hand over the control of this cancer battle to Him. Only He could work in a way that would bring honor and glorify His name. There is nothing I can do to accomplish that. I have a diagnosis. I have a treatment plan. Again, the doctors are keeping me on a need to know basis. Not too much information at any given point lest I try to take the reigns away from the One who really is in charge. The fact is, they are having to wait on the first round of treatment to really decide where to go next. The seem to know everything about my cancer. However, I do know that they don't know what tomorrow holds. But I know who does.
Just a week ago, 3 teenage boys were traveling on a familiar stretch of road. The vehicle struck a phone pole and one young man was killed instantly. Two others were sent to the hospital with numbers of injuries, some requiring extensive surgery. Did any of these boys plan on this? No. Did their families in any way forsee this? No. Was our Heavenly Father surprised by this? No. He knew this was going to happen. Nothing surprises him. Now to us, it was an unknown. We had no clue this was coming. The entire community is still wondering how to work through the sorrow and grief accompanied with this situation. One young man had plans for the very next day -- he actually didn't make it to that destination, instead he stood before the Creator of the universe. One young man will never have the same life. They all three had plans for the weekend, plans for a senior year, even college plans. Planning is not a bad thing. I guess I'm just learning that God may change our plans. I must be sensitive to His heart so that I am able to accept these changes. When these changes are hard and may bring hurt and sorrow to our hearts, I have to trust Him to walk through that valley with me.
In the 23rd Psalm, the writer tells us that even when we walk through the shadow of the valley of death, HE is with us. The prince of darkness is waiting in that shadow. Waiting for God's children to throw in the towel and declare that we quit. I've felt like doing that at times. However, I have to stand tall and remember who I serve. Cancer, death, financial hardships....none of these ever surprise Him.
Just some of the things He's told us:
I'll never leave you nor forsake you...
I've loved you with an everlasting love...
I know the plans I have for you....
Those that wait upon the Lord...Isaiah 40:31
To those of you at WHS, I love you dearly and pray for you daily. How about we face these unknowns together in prayer??
To my family (both blood and non-blood related) --couldn't make it without you. God has blessed me beyond what my mind can conceive.
- ► 2011 (11)