Friday, November 12, 2010

What now

I don't know where to begin. The past 36 hours have been mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting. I have seen how God can use people on an unbelievable level that you would not believe. Yesterday morning, Stephen and I learned that I have cancerous tumor. Where most of the time, one would have been immediately moved to a regular hospital room, I was kept in the outpatient day surgery area for most of the day. I did not arrive in my room until late afternoon. Before I was awake from the "fog" induced by medication administered prior to my colonoscopy, I was moved to a room that I don't believe is intended for patients to spend more than a few minutes. This was because most of my family had arrived once the learned of the news.
I don't remember exactly when it was, but one particular nurse commented that she could feel God's presence in my room. I think this was before I learned of my diagnosis, but I could be wrong. Each and every nurse that cared for me did so with a special love and grace that only God could provide. I know for a fact that they were each placed in my pathway that day by my loving Father. Jesus told his followers that they would be known by their works. These ladies are truly using their gifts to glorify God and further His kingdom. He knew what Stephen and I would need. He knew a long time ago that he would include these special people in my life. Each of these ladies constantly reminded me that they were praying and that we serve a mighty God. I know this, but this is one of those times that I didn't quite know what to say to God. I've always heard about those times that you don't know what to pray. I think I might have had some of those after mom died. However, there were MANY of those moments yesterday.
Oncologists, cancer center, chemo, radiation---all are now linked to my name. This wasn't in my plan. Not at all. As a matter of fact it is downright inconvenient. Those of you who know me are fully aware that I don't like to stray from the plan and I don't tolerate inconvenience. So, here we are. Stephen and I surrounded by family and friends (friends that really are family even without sharing the same DNA) -- staring down a pathway full of unknowns. There are going to be several unknowns for a few days. A pet scan is scheduled for Monday to see if the cancer has spread...pray Stephen and I will have peace and the Pet scan will show no other cancers.
Enough about the unknowns, I'm having to trust God to take care of that. I admit, I worry. Know I'm not supposed to...but we're working on that. Here are some of the things I do know:
1. Whatever is happening inside my body, God knew about it way before any doctor suspected a thing.
2. God is bigger than this and He will not leave me. After all, the Bible tells us that His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
3. God blessed with the most amazing husband any woman could ever ask for. I didn't deserve him 10 years ago, and I still don't deserve him. I'm absolutely blessed beyond measure here.
4. April Jordan rocks. A girl couldn't ask for a better gal pal and prayer warrior.
5. I have 3 boys that are absolutely worth fighting for.
6. I am surrounded by an amazing family.
There are lots of other things I know, but I'll share them as time goes on. I've done a lot of talking about God, but now let's see if I can live up to what I've claimed over the past years. Of course, I'd absolutely appreciate it if this was miraculously removed from my life today. However, I know that no matter how hard, long, and bumpy this road may be, I serve a mighty God -- in the Bible, He is called Jehovah Rophe -- my healer. I'm claiming that. To those who are praying, you will never know what impact you are having. I am asking you to pray for Stephen -- for his emotional and physical strength. He is a strong Godly man, and I want him to make sure he takes care of himself. He always handles our finances in a manner that would honor God. I can't help but wonder when the financial hardships will strike -- but I know they will. Pray God will meet these needs as they come. I will try my best to keep updates. Pray for the boys, I'm afraid this will be especially hard on Andrew. Aaron does not like being away from Stephen and me or his bed at home. John Curtis just has the setting "full speed ahead" so I'm praying that he will teach me some lessons. Pray most of all that God will be glorified.

With love,


  1. I just want you to know I've been praying for you all weekend. I know you're a strong person and God will get you through. If you need anything at all, please know that we are here for you!! We love you very much!!
    Clinton and Christina

  2. I just wanted to let you know that I am so happy to hear the news today. It is strange but the last few days the Lord has given me a peace about you. I know that He is going to take care of you!! We do serve an AWESOME God and I am so thankful that you are in His hand because I do believe He will heal you of this! Praise be to His name!!