Life is hard

One of my favorite songs is I Will Praise You in the Storm. I usually like anything that Casting Crowns puts out, but this one is just special to me. Today I was very much reminded of how hard it is sometimes to focus on the praise that God deserves. Sometimes, the storm rages with such fury, that praise is the last thing on my mind. I do hope a very special couple knows that they are in my prayers tonight. Some news is hard to take - especially when it includes the loss of a precious life. God does have a plan. I know that. This couple knows that. However, sometimes it still hurts.
I'm no expert on dealing with the yuck of life. I have learned some things. The biggest lesson I have to review quite often is that God made us emotional creatures. He expects us to experience emotions when life experiences are enjoyable and when they are not so much fun. It took me a long time to accept the fact that I could be upset, sad, hurt, etc. The key is to remember through my sadness and hurt that He still loves me. When I hurt, He hurts. He also will not abandon me no matter how yucky life gets. I know yucky is not really the most magnificent description, but it fits some situations. For me, the times where I feel the most hurt and sadness lead to some of the most precious times with my Father God. Hurt and sadness do not come alone to His children. The presence of the awesome peace only He can provide sweeps over and consumes our soul. Peace that comes when He steps in and takes over. He may not change our circumstances. He may not instantly remove the pain. He will lead us through. He will provide comfort for what could turn into a long daunting journey through dark valleys. I had a hard time accepting that it was alright for me to experience all of these emotions. I felt as if I was a failure to feel this way. No. Depending on Him to heal and provide comfort is exactly what I need to do.

Psalm 30

Have you ever felt that some serious efforts you had put into things made no difference whatsoever?? This has been one of the most trying weeks I've had in quite some time. The 30th psalm is one of my favorites. It's been playing in the back of my mind since the storm hit Monday. Not a literal James Spann kind of storm, but that mental, emotional, spiritual kind of storm. The kind that Paul referred to in Ephesians 6:12. Last Sunday, our pastor preached on facing the storms in life. I have to admit, I left church feeling more prepared than ever to face the week. I had on my spiritual raincoat and rainboots. My super sized spiritual umbrella was ready for the rains to come. I had my life raft inflated and ready to go. I stood ready to face the storm. The only problem was, I expected the storm to come from the Atlantic, and it creeped up behind me from the total opposite direction. (That would be the Pacific for you geographically challeneged folks.) I totally didn't expect the first storm. I've shared with some about this particular one. I'm still praying my way through it. Knowing now that it could be a slow moving storm, I've actually been able to turn this one over to God pretty easily. Now, remembering I'm a control freak, that should speak volumes. Anyhow, I had no other choice but to turn it over - I had NO clue how to navigate through it.
Coming from Alabama, especially the eastern-central part of Alabama, we have a lot of weather. For everyone knows the weather pocket is here and Birmingham doesn't experience weather. (Katrina and Brandon - that one was for you..the lady from O'Charley's sometime back.) Before you question my ability to effectively teach science, I know we are not in a weather pocket and Birmingham does experience weather. Moving on...many times when a severe weather system moves through, more storms appear due to the unstable atmosphere and the way God designed things. Well, somewhere along the way another storm developed. This one - I'm not really sure which direction it came from. I was focused on the other one. It just seemed to come out of nowhere and slap me in the back of the head with seriously strong winds. By now, my umbrella is blown inside out, my life boat is punctured by a stick from someone's campfire debris at Talladega, and even my raincoat is soaked inside and out - no longer offering a dry haven for my weary self. It's just me and God. I've not yet shared this battle with anyone. It's still just mine. I don't know if pride keeps me from calling in my prayer partners or if it's some deeper issue I don't realize because I stink at psychology unless it's concerning 5th graders. I can figure out 5th graders, it's the rest of the population I struggle with.
There have been times that I've honestly wondered what impact I'm having. I seem to be getting no response in one particular service area in my life. I work really hard at it. I have a deep passion for it. I'm not the best at it, but I think I'm pretty average. Why then do I not see some evidence that it is impacting someone? I'm trying to muddle through and figure out if this is God's way of telling me that it's not what He wants me to do or if I'm just not going about things the right way. Either way, I'm really anxious for the answer. Before my dad and grandmother get hold of this...I'm not changing careers. It probably would panic both of them if I quit my job. I know without a doubt I'm in the career where God wants me. I wish James Spann had some kind of spiritual radar that could map out this storm and it's path. At least I'd know where I'm headed and the severity of things. Of course, on second thought, I'd probably be scared to death if I knew what was ahead. I think I'll just wait on God and hope that I don't mess up things too badly.
I wish certain people could see the passion I have for this particular service and know really where my heart is. My head knows it really doesn't matter, because, after all -- it's really all about HIM and what He thinks. Convincing my heart of that is easier some days than others.

Birds and ugly words

Several months ago, we purchased a family membership to the local museum. Wow. We are such smart parents. The world of knowledge that is contained within those hallowed walls - The Anniston Museum of Natural History......(the readers gasp with amazement and awe at the wisdom of these two parents.) Actually, we did it because it was a cheap way to entertain our children. Anyhow, Andrew reads very well and was challenging himself on reading all the posted information. We arrived at the bird section. The display is rather nice. Beneath some very fancy panels, one will discover the name of a species of bird and a description of its habitat and behaviors. Welllll, the very first one Andrew opens is spelled b-u-s-h-t-i-t. As you can imagine, no pronounciation he could come up with turned out well. Lots of people were around to hear - yay!! He treated them to several pronounciations which either sounded profane or vulgar. Of course, he had no clue. Each attempt included a loud emphasis on a syllable of an undesirable sort. Woo-hoo for phonics. We couldn't choose the owl or flamingo - nooo, that would not embarrass mom nearly as bad.

Seriously????

Today was a usual Monday. Life started off in a rush because I like to sleep 5 minutes past when I really should. Administered the science assessment today - don't really know what to expect from it. Oh, well. It's out of my hands now. Life began to improve when I heard there was no faculty meeting. Now, those of you've who have experienced a long faculty meeting at the end of a hard Monday, when the weather is beautiful...you know how it is. Oh yeah, and you are all out of caffeine free cokes and skittles to help you through the meeting. Improvement was short-lived.
Stephen picked up Aaron and John Curtis from day care. When Andrew was in preschool, we didn't have to keep a weekly log of how many times he got on yellow or red. Welllll, Aaron is another story. Not just another chapter. Not just another book. A whole new series by a different author in a completely different literary genre. Now, Aaron is a whole LOT like his daddy. There is one major difference. Aaron is not nearly as sly or sneaky about his mischief. He pretty much puts his michief out there for all to see. Last week, ONE of his many incidents included rolling down the hallway at school. Mrs. Lucy told the children to line up. Aaron did just as she said. Well, she obviously didn't tell him that this was not the national "practice your stop drop and roll" day. Hey, we have talk like a pirate day, Aaron just figured this was a good concept. So, since Mrs. Lucy did not specify that he was to WALK down the hallway, Aaron decided he would practice rolling down the hallway. I know exactly what he did, because he's done it a thousand times at home. He lays in the floor. His arms stretch out above his head. His toes stretch as far as the can. Let the rolling begin. Aaron is rolling down the hallway like an escaped log from the show Ax Men. Mrs. Lucy abruptly interrupts his session of perfecting his stop, drop, and roll technique. I guess she realized that fire safety week is coming later in the year. Now, to the good stuff.
Monday's misery.....
Mrs. Lucy has a policy of letting children in her classroom earn back their green status after their name has been moved to the yellow apple. Not only did Aaron not earn back his green status, he decided to promote himself to the red apple. This qualifies one to take a note home to mom and dad. Ohhhh, the dreaded note that is clipped to the sign-out board with my name on it.
As Stephen lumbered through the doorway with the two little ones, he sent Aaron straight to his room. Of course, Aaron forgetting that he is some serious trouble, skips to his room. Eyes twinkling. A bounce in every step.
Upon entering Aaron's room, he notices THE NOTE in my hand. I explained to him that we needed to talk about what happened at school. The conversation was as follows:
Me:   Aaron, I'm about to read you the note Mrs. Lucy sent. It tells me what you did at school today.
Aaron:  Mommy, you see, I reeeeeallllly tried to stay on green for a long time. But I didn't.
blue eyes twinkling - attempting to lure me away from employing consequences
Me: I read the note. Aaron, why did you hit someone in the face?
Aaron: I really tried to stay on yellow, but hers had to put me on red. It's alright though. I can be on green tomorrow.
Me:  Aaron, you know that you are to keep your hands to yourself. You are certainly not to hurt your friends at school.
Aaron: Welllll, I really tried to stay on green for a long time, but then I got on yellow for a long time, and then hers had to put me on green.
Letting me know that he thinks repeating his argument over and over will wear me down. Little does he know that I am the queen of stubborn humans. I will overcome the deceptive nature of this youngster.Me: You know that there are consequences for your actions. I'm going to give you your consequences now.
Aaron: That's okay, mommy. I don't want them.


He really, seriously thinks he has a choice in this matter. While enduring his consequences, he repeatedly screamed for PawPaw to come help him. I guess this lets me know he recognizes the lack of compassion flowing from his mother's heart. After all, one of Pawpaw's strengths is compassion. Oh, well, at least he's figured it out early.

Taking a Stand

Alright people. Here it is. This is not for those who are offended easily, especially if you are offended by the word of God. Many have asked me not to hold back any more.

I am at a loss for adjectives to describe my feelings right now. Anger, appalled, disbelief -- none seem to really fit. Let me begin with my thoughts of sin. My sin is just as bad as anyone else on this planet. I am no better than any other human, even those that have committed the most heinous crimes. I am no more saved than any of you. I am no less saved than any one who seems to be better than me according to man's standards. God's standard is all that matters. Not mine, not yours, not any political leader or celebrity.

The flippant attitude in our society about sex outside of marriage absolutely infuriates me. Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained by God. The only acceptable grounds for physical intimacy is inside the marriage of a man and a woman. I am a conservative. I am very private. However, this has NOTHING to do with either of these personality traits. This is all about abiding by God's standard. I know some of you are not happy and may be wondering exactly who this is directed at. SOCIETY - that's who. Anyone who will listen - that's who. I think abstinence should be taught in high schools. Handing out condoms or contraception only gives students the go ahead. How stupid can we be as adults???? Allowing this to happen? God forgive us. WE should be the responsible ones.
Now, do I think that anyone who has had a baby out of wedlock should be punished? No. Everyone makes a bad decision. I'm the queen of bad decisions. Most of them involve not biting my tongue when I should. About 3  years ago, a young lady that was very special came to visit me. This young lady is very intelligent. She was gorgeous and had scholarships waiting from major universities. When she was in elementary school, we often had the conversation of how the sky was the limit for any dream that she had. She could have done anything - and that is a very literal anything. She was just one of those outstanding individuals. Her family was very conservative. She was raised to abide by a very strict standard. Anyhow, she came to talk with me about news that her mother had shared with me. This young unmarried 17 year old was pregnant. She was scared out of her mind. We talked many times over the coming months as she awaited the arrival of her beautiful baby. She and her boyfriend had been dating quite some time before she got pregnant. The very first thing she said to me was," I know this was not the way God instructed me. However, this is where I am. I've learned from my mistake. God does not want for me to have an intimate relationship with a man I'm not married to." She then burst into tears and asked if I could ever forgive her. My heart was breaking. I told her that she did not need to ask for my forgiveness. I was not mad at her. The difference between this amazing young woman and so many other young women is the maturity that occurred after learning she was pregnant. She immediately started seeking out Godly women who could advise her on how to raise a child. Also, she sought GODLY advice - notice the GODLY part, she wasn't talking to some of these idiot liberals out there - as to whether or not she and her boyfriend should marry. Over the past two years, this young lady has acted like a mother. She has put her child first. She is happily married - now, be careful. I do not think just because a young couple should marry just because of pregnancy. That is many times the recipe for disaster. This couple, however, had dated a while and planned to marry prior to the pregnancy. They are both doing really well. Life is a little harder than they thought it would be at this age, but they are seeking God's will in their lives and attempting to raise their child as God desires. I have seen some young ladies step up to the plate and mature just as this one. I try to support this particular young woman anyhow I can. Not because of a bad decision, but because she is honestly trying to learn from others and grow in God.
I think any mom (single moms, married moms, step-moms) should act in a certain manner. This means the life-style of partying and the actively, knowingly, repeatedly, and willingly pursuing carnal desires should cease. They should grow up and realize their responsibility is to raise their children according to God's word. This requires acknowledging the entire Bible and abiding by it. When I mess up, I have those Christian friends who will call me out and pray with me to fix things. I strongly encourage all moms to have at least one of these people (outside your family) to do this. I think someone called it.....spiritual mentoring?????? Sound familiar? I think that moms should act in a respectable manner. They should dress in a modest manner. This doesn't have to be off the great-grandma shelf at Wal-Mart. I know many people who look very trendy and cute, yet still dress in a modest manner. I myself am fashion challenged, so the trendy and cute part is not working for me real well all the time.
To sum up my ranting:
1. Adopt the biblical view on the aforementioned topic concerning physical intimacy.
2. If you mess up, start acting responsible and not like a pagan.
3. Seek Godly women who can guide you in the right direction.
4. If you are acting responsible, then people won't be quite as upset with your actions. This would be because you are acting RESPONSIBLE!
5. God creates every baby with a specific plan.
6. We don't need to mess with the order of his plan.


I'm not judging or throwing anyone under the bus. Just because I've been guilty of gossip before, doesn't mean that I can still do it without having to answer for it. Do I think gossip is as bad of a sin as any other? YEP! (I meant to spell it that way you grammar fanatics. I didn't mistype yes.) The same applies to any sin. God knows we are gonna' mess up. We've been messing things up since the Adam, Eve, the serpent, the fruit, etc. He's not surprised by our mistakes. He does expect us to come with a repentant heart and turn from our sin. Jesus told many people during his ministry that their sins were forgiven, and to go and sin no more. I think he says the same thing to us today. He's forgiven our sins. Don't keep visiting back to that behavior you know is wrong.
To the young lady I wrote about -- you know who you are. I love you and am so proud of how you seek God's will on a daily basis. You are a true example of repentance and surrendering your life to God. With all my love sweetheart, may God pour His richest blessings upon you and protect you for many days.

Another story if you are still reading.
I had the privilege of knowing a lady who was a single mom with two fantastic boys. Unfortunately she was divorced. She had been in a marriage that was quite tragic. This particular woman was raising these two boys by herself. Her parents were not around. No child support was being sent. She would not accept any aid from the government. Although, I wish she would have to help as she worked her way through college as her boys were in public school. She is the individual that would not stay on assistance forever - just until she got her feet on the ground. She made sure that her boys were given an example of a responsible adult. After all, she was the only example they saw with no extended family around them. So responsible. Such a hard worker. She will probably never know that respect I have for her. She never had vacations. Never received spa treatments. She totally focused on her college education, her job, and providing for her sons. Might I say, she provided very well for them emotionally, mentally, and physically. Maturity, focus, determination.

A soapbox

One of the things my aunt tried to teach me as I was growing up was the art of knowing when to bite your tongue. Now, not only am I having to bite my tongue, but with facebook, I'm having to control my fingers. Those of you who know me best are aware that I have strong feelings and am usually not afraid to voice those feelings. Filtering my thoughts before they are verbalized is a daily battle for me. Instead of climbing on one of my MANY soapboxes and screaming loudly, tonight I'm choosing an alternate plan.
Anyone who has ever worked with preteens and/or teenagers knows that they are different. I teach preteens and absolutely love being with them, most of the time. They can increase my blood pressure to unsafe levels at times, but it is worth it. The pressures facing our adolescent population today are downright frightening. I see what my students face each day, and my heart breaks for them. The tough family situations some of my kids live in...well, it's amazing they can even function. The pressures and temptations presented on television, internet, other humans - it is completely overwhelming. If you are not already making it a point to pray each and every day for the young generation - elementary school through college - then I encourage you to make that a priority today.
What young minds have to deal with is appalling. Depression, viewing themselves as worthless, bearing the weight of tragic family situations, pondering the lack of money in their family just needed to make ends meet...
I am happy to say that I have seen some young people who are attempting to reach their generation. Last year, I had a student who frequently shared the plan of salvation with his peers. He was quite remarkable. Other students looked up to him and respected anything he did or said. I know they saw him living out the gospel on a minute by minute basis. Another student would routinely refer to the scripture his mom placed in his notebook every week. Hats off to this mom! I'm trying my best to support these students and others as they try to reach their peers for Christ.
I see college students away from home who are sacrificing their time to come to church and involve themselves in ministry. Nobody is making them climb out of bed. They are not being forced to practice their instruments and songs that are to be shared at church. Praise God for these individuals.
My prayer is that the young generation will be drawn to these individuals rather than those who are living a self-centered life while actively and willingly seeking the temptations of the world. The world needs more people like Collin, Mary, TJ, Walker, Brandi, Tony, and Aaron. I love you guys. Words will never express what you mean to me. Read Phillipians 1:3-5. Know that you are loved. May God bless you as you continue His work.

Lessons I've Learned through Motherhood

1. My children need my undivided attention as soon as I sit down in front of a plate with food.
2. My children will not eat the food on their plate, but find the same food on my plate irresistible.
3. They don't like sleep near as much as I do.
4. Don't take children through the checkout line where they have an issue of Cosmo displayed.
5. Children make you stupid by destroying your brain cells. It's their superpower that allows them to do this.
6. My children are very much like me -- much to my dismay.
7. Most of the bad habits my children have, came from.......you guessed it. ME!
8. It's physically difficult to spank a child when you are trying not to laugh at them. Especially when their father is in the other room doubled over laughing.
9. I will always love my children no matter what they do; however, liking them is a different story.